Ramblings of my post-graduate/post-student life (or lack thereof). On a journey of rediscovery. I fancy tea, deep conversations, and flowers. Living the active lifestyle in my sweet Hawaii Nei.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Today marks 6 months at my new job and starting my career.
As I sit here, typing with Le Youth playing in the background and a hot cup of Jasmine Tea… I can honestly say that I am content about where I am in life. I have lots to be proud of and I have more to accomplish for myself personally.
Even though I am not anywhere close to where I want to be, I am thankful I’m not where I used to be. The past couple of months have been the most hard to adjust to, but then I think the past two years of my life have been nothing but change for me. I thought I was done ‘growing’ and little did I know… I barely scratched the surface.
I’ve been hit with the inspiration bug and I have big plans for myself by the end of this year and I slept on it and woke up afraid… and that’s how I knew that I should go ahead with this decision. If your dream doesn’t scare you, it isn’t big enough.
I make sure I take moments like these, where I just sit and be grateful for the life I have. I sit and ponder about how fortunate and how blessed I am with all the love and people I have. Wow… what a blessing it is for genuine people. I make sure I take time to thank and remind people how much I value them… I always make it a priority to tell those that I love how much they mean to me, even if they know it already.
Life is rough and short and in a moment anything can change, so I make sure they know that their presence in my life matters. Sometimes that’s all people need to know… do I matter? And if you matter to me… you will know.
Caring looks like growing out of your current skin, not into a thicker or untouchable one, but into one that is far more pliable. One that is primed, and ready to bend again. One that doesn’t hide the scars of past caring, but instead uses these visible representations of what has been endured, as the canvas on which to paint new growth. Caring looks like growing to a place of harvesting the desire to care again. It looks like the startling realization that every action and inaction has rattled your cage so drastically because of one thing and one thing only: “You will always care too much.” It’s not in your bones to even try and pretend you will ever be someone who cares any less. You couldn’t do it, and you wouldn’t want to anyway. You’ve grown to a point of realizing that caring looks like both great joy, and great suffering, sometimes in the same day, or even the same breath.
Although caring may have broken you before and will surely break you again, ultimately, caring holds the power to make you. And one day it will.
Until then, you must continue to care, bend, and mend.
Look around. This is how it is. Not how it might have been or should have been, or how you thought it would be. It is how it is. So enjoy.
I’m grateful to have people in my life who care about my growth as if it’s part of their own. I’m grateful to be loved and to be able to love.
Starting to feel like myself again… And I am truly grateful for where I am at the moment.
I’ve been ignoring this big lump in my throat
The more I swear I’m happy, the more that I’m feeling alone